The transition into our twenties often catches us off guard, as we confront a whirlwind of confusion, unfamiliarity, and shattered expectations. As an optimistic eighteen-year-old, I envisioned my twenties as a smooth journey, a bed of roses adorned with the blossoms of love, freedom, and personal choices. However, reality has proven to be a far more daunting landscape than I had anticipated.
Let us first delve into the realm of career aspirations. Oh, the vivacity with which I embarked on my chosen path! Yet, I now find myself questioning whether I chose this career or if it chose me. Have I been destined for this path, or was it a mere illusion of compatibility? The love I yearned for has transformed into wounds I nurse, and the idealized princess treatment I envisioned from a significant other has become a collection of scars etched in memory. The word “love” now holds little meaning for me, for it has lost its luster and authenticity.
As for the freedom I longed for, it has granted me the label of the black sheep within my family. The place I once called home now feels unfamiliar, and the praise and attention I once received have been replaced with silent treatments. My phone no longer buzzes with the tender inquiries of my mother, asking how I am or if I have eaten, as it did during my teenage years.
Prayers uttered in the anticipation of adulthood were indeed heard, but the current reality is far from what I envisioned. We bear the motto “we left the church but not God,” as our spiritual journey takes on new forms. Our prayers no longer dive into the depths of religious devotion, but instead venture into realms that provide temporary solace—something strong enough to keep us sitting by the bathroom door at 3 a.m., seeking an escape that surpasses the divine.
The boys we once admired in our adolescence no longer captivate our hearts. We have traversed into a different space, where love comes with a price only a fifty-year-old could afford, a price paid by a fellow woman. Identity crisis permeates our existence, where encounters with individuals of the same gender send shivers down our spines, while interactions with the opposite gender leave us feeling disconnected.
The notion of a woman’s worthiness has ceased to be a prize; instead, it has become a price to pay. Through it all, we navigate the treacherous waters of our twenties, learning, unlearning, loving, and leaving. We come to terms with the fact that this is but a passage, an unexpected journey for which we were ill-prepared, yet one we will navigate with resilience and fortitude. Our twenties serve as a canvas for experimentation, a stage where failure and loss intertwine with growth and gain. We embrace the challenges, accept our flaws, and believe in our ability to secure a future for ourselves. And amidst it all, the knowledge that we are not alone fuels the fire within us, propelling us forward on this transformative path.
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