Discovering Self-Love: A Journey of Self-Discovery
The phrase ‘love yourself’ echoes constantly in today’s world, but what does it truly mean? How does one love themselves? For me, this concept began to take shape through a series of experiences, particularly in relationships that deeply questioned my self-worth.
I’ve always been the kind of person who prioritizes my partner’s happiness, avoiding conflicts and rarely speaking up about my own needs. I sought love and acceptance at the cost of enduring situations I shouldn’t have. I realized that I had no clear understanding of what love truly meant. Even now, I often find myself pondering, ‘What is love?’
Growing up, my relationship with my parents introduced me to a conditional form of love. It was always about meeting their expectations to receive affection. Anything deviating from their defined behavior led to a withdrawal of love. I lived to please, unaware of my own preferences and desires. It took a journey, partly aided by my fondness for marijuana, to distance myself and truly introspect.
Delving into my inner self, I confronted a stark truth: I lacked love for myself, the fundamental reason none of my relationships flourished. How could I expect others to love me when I couldn’t do the same for myself? It was an epiphany that led me to the most important question: How do I love myself?
This question plunged me into a deep state of introspection and confusion. I realized I didn’t know what self-love entailed. What did I like or dislike? Who was I, really? It was a disorienting realization that I had to embark on a journey to self-identify and understand myself.
Books became my guides on this journey. They helped me comprehend the complex layers of my being. No school curriculum had ever prepared me for understanding and loving myself. It was a different kind of learning, one that involved continuously evolving as I uncovered unresolved traumas and questioned my own actions and emotions.
To love oneself, one must first know oneself. This meant unravelling the ‘whys’ behind my thoughts, emotions, actions, and reactions. It involved shutting out external influences, including the noise from society and social media, to focus on introspection. Who am I? What do I truly like or dislike? Understanding my boundaries and the reasons behind my behavior became the compass guiding this journey.
It’s not an easy path. Understanding oneself takes time and immense patience. Even now, after years of exploration, there are days when self-love feels like an uncharted territory. It’s perhaps the most challenging yet rewarding ‘school’ I’ve ever attended—a journey of figuring out who I am and how to truly love myself.”
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